Mistress Matisse: Professional Dominatrix <small>a Pink Nighties Interview</small>

Mistress Matisse: Professional Dominatrix a Pink Nighties Interview

For those who follow popular blogs, you’ve probably come across the blog of Seattle writer and dominatrix, Mistress Matisse. She is a regular columnist for The Stranger as well as a new podcast. As a sex-positive individual, we thought she’d be a great first interview for Pink Nighties.

How long have you been a professional dominatrix?

I have been a professional dominatrix for about eight years.

Eight years is a long time. How do you keep it fresh, interesting?

Well, BDSM is a major part of my sexuality, so it’ll never be uninteresting to me. At this stage of my career, the vast majority of the men I see are repeat clients, and most of those repeat clients are guys who’ve been seeing me regularly for four, five, six years or more. If she’s any good, the clients of a professional dominatrix will be extremely loyal.

So I have built ongoing relationships with most of my guys. We trust each other, and while the relationships definitely have limits, within those limits, there is intimacy and connection. Meeting a new person is fun in a certain way, but if I only saw my guys once and never again, that would get boring very quickly.

What kind of work did you do before the birth of Mistress Matisse?

I’ve been in the sex industry since I was eighteen. Mainly I’ve been a stripper or a call girl, but I’ve tried pretty much every type of job within the sex industry during that time.

Why the sex industry? Why not law or psychiatry, etc.?

I waited tables and such when I was a teenager, but I have never worked in an office, and I haven’t had a job that didn’t involve someone getting naked since I was about twenty.

One of the reasons I have done well with the sex industry is because it’s an industry of the self-employed. There are few places in sex work where one is actually an employee who gets a paycheck. Most of the time your income comes directly from the customer, so you’d better be a good salesperson and provide a quality service. I come from a family of entrepreneurs, so creating my own business seemed natural to me. I have an instinct for marketing, I’m self-disciplined and self-directed, and when hard work equals more benefit, I’ll work very hard indeed.

And from the earliest moments of my sexual awareness, I was comfortable with my body and felt good about creating erotic experiences to share with my partners. It’s just a talent of mine. A friend of mine once remarked, “Matisse is fluent in sex.” So I harnessed two sets of talents together, and voila!

What do you like to wear for sessions? In your off time?

In sessions, it varies. Usually little black dresses and heels. After being in the scene for some time, I’m a bit bored by traditional fetishwear, so I don’t do tons of rubber, leather, etc. For social events, I have a white Herve Leger dress that I’m loving these days, and I wear it with a pair of yummy D&G eelskin pumps. Two of my guys, in particular, are very good to me in the matter of designer clothes, so I’m getting more into high-end clothes. In Seattle, where everyone wears jeans and Birkenstocks all the time, wearing really sharp clothes is sort edgy all by itself.

What is your primary goal before beginning a session?

For both of us to feel good about it afterwards.

Is there anything you won’t do? A line you feel it is unethical to cross?

I won’t see someone if I just really don’t like them. Naturally there are people I click with more than others, but if I can’t find traits I like in someone and some way to connect with them, I won’t take their money.

This may seem like a silly question, but do you derive any pleasure out of your professional sessions? Aside from the satisfaction of a job well done?

Yes, a great deal. I am a real-life kinky person, and I am at a place where I can be selective about who I see, and thus I choose clients based on whether I think I’d enjoy playing with them.

Speaking of real life, you are a polyamorist. What is polyamory exactly?

Polyamory is maintaining multiple and concurrent committed love relationships.

Are you currently involved with more than one partner?

Yes, I have two amazing partners, Max and Monk. I live with Max, he and I have been partners for seven years. My other partner is Monk – we don’t live together, but we’ve been in a committed relationship for about four years now.

Why did you choose a polyamory lifestyle? What about it appeals most to you? Is it all about the sex?

I did not “choose” poly, I have always been this way. I can remember feeling as a child that having two husbands and two wives would be perfect for me. I have never wanted monogamy. I’m just wired this way. No, it is not all about the sex – I love Max, and I love Monk. I am not a swinger, I’m utterly bored by casual sex. It’s fine for people who find it sexy, but I don’t.

You have two satisfying relationships when most people can’t manage one. What is the secret to your success?

I’ve already made every mistake in the book! Fortunately, I do learn quickly, so I usually don’t make them over and over. But with polyamory, there is a learning curve, because we don’t have many examples of how conducting multiple love relationships should look. If polyamory not something that’s really hard-wired into you, the struggle may not be worth the payoff. But this is what I always wanted, so all the work to get to where I am with Max, and with Monk, has really been worth it for me.

And last but not least, do you have a philosophy you live by?

I don’t take myself completely seriously, but I take what I do very seriously.

(Header Photo Credit: Mistress Matisse)

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