Finding Your Sexy. Hint: It’s Right Where You Left It by Columnist Chauna Myles

“Wanna see a picture of me back when I was hot?”

I am asked this by an attractive, 32-year-old woman who apparently feels that she lost her sexy 20 pounds ago.

“What are you talking about? You’re still hot.” I tell her. And I am not just being nice.

“Aww thanks,” she says, as if she’s speaking to one of her puppies. I half expect her to pat me on the head. “But I was really hot back then.”

I look at the picture. Granted, she is much thinner. But her face looks drawn. Severe. She is actually prettier now. However, I don’t want to kill her dream.

“I still say you’re hot now. But, if you want to get healthier, I’m all for that.”

“Healthier and hot,” she smiles. Then she grabs her pack of Camel and goes for her third smoke break of the day.

She might not be her “ideal” weight. What woman ever is? However, her feelings of being less attractive, less desirable, stem much deeper. She suffers from a lack of confidence and a failure to appreciate her inner and outer beauty. Her outer disarray opens a window on her inner discontent.

Poor posture. Disheveled hair that has been finger combed and harnessed by a headband. A wool pea coat that looks like it was stuffed in a drawer until seven this morning. It is obvious that this woman doesn’t feel sexy.

We often torture ourselves over our failure to live up to the standards set by glossy, retouched photos of incredibly sexy, impossibly perfect women. Meantime we schlep around in faded sweats, a t-shirt that slightly resembles a circus tent, and tennis shoes that we should have ditched 7 scuff marks and 4 mystery stains ago. The unofficial uniform of the unglamorous.

What we fail to realize is that sexy isn’t a certain dress size or height. Sexy isn’t synonymous with pencil-thin or lavishly expensive. It isn’t strictly the property of blondes or even redheads. It is a complete state of mind.

Sexy is what makes you feel beautiful. Confident. Attractive. When we wear that special dress, hot new nightie, or a pair of naughty pumps we walk differently. Our heads held higher. A bit more swing in our hips. And we feel utterly and completely desirable.

So, if you think you’ve lost your sex appeal you are wrong. It isn’t gone. It’s right where you left it. Whether it was 10 years, 20 pounds, or 2 kids ago, I assure you that it is still there. Waiting to be retaken.

Best of all, you won’t have to go all the way back there to get it. It can be summoned in an instant. The instant that you realize your sexuality, femininity, and allure have always been there.

Your efforts will not go unnoticed. After schlepping around in sweats for months while working at home, I decided to put on a knee-skimming khaki skirt and a keyhole blouse. I put up my hair and spritzed on some perfume. My teen-age son asked me four times if I was going somewhere. My husband decided it would be fun to have a middle of the day romp. And when I did go out, my neighbor nearly mistook me for someone else.

So, do the latent sex kitten inside of you a favor. Bypass the headband and sweats more often in favor of a nice pair of slacks and a kitten heel; a pair of jeans that fit you like a glove; or a dress that accentuates your curves rather than trying to drown them. Treat yourself to a nice haircut or coloring. Pick up a vintage scarf that picks up the flecks of gold in your eyes. Above all, stand up straight and tall and hold your head high.

That’s when you’ll know that you’ve found your sexy and it was right where you left it.

Chauna Myles writes multicultural women’s fiction that embraces diversity and features plenty of sizzling-hot rendezvous. Her non-fiction writings embrace inclusion and a celebration of the unique beauty that every woman possesses. She is the Non-Fiction Editor here at Pink Nighties